Handling A Tough Day?
Our mind is very primitive and has to be tamed in order to steer our life and relationships towards greater success and fulfillment. Most of our reactions are programmed in our past. While dealing with a tough situation or a person most often times the mind is caught between two behaviors. To Respond or To React. It’s quite Intriguing to know how our brain works. It feels 30,000 times faster than it acts and it acts about 30,000 times faster than it reasons. So, we feel and act long before we even start to reason. The effect of this is we often react to our emotions without reasoning.
In order to develop and deal with the desired future, we have to strengthen our brain and work on it repeatedly. If not, it might fall into its old habits and create undesirable outcomes. Whether to react or to respond is a matter of choice. When we choose to work on strengthening our mind we respond, we add quality to each day of our life if not we are setting ourselves up for tough times ahead.
Start taking control of your mind to start creating the future you desire!
To harness greater personal strength, extraordinary relationships and greater success in all aspects of your life start developing the following 4 habits.
1. Listen Deeply
Listen always to the Intent and not just the content. Most people drift away into emotions and do not focus on the intent of the conversation. Listen deeply with the intent to understand before jumping to conclusions. Judging too quickly often leads you to react without reasoning. Our monkey mind is programmed to draw conclusions to situations quickly. Build a void between what you see, think and act. It enables you to find reasons before you act intelligently or rather reacting.
Listen to not just the external talk but also to the internal talk.
Imagine if we constantly are doing negative self-talk, how everything someone says seems negative and illogical. For instance, if someone tells you that you are performing well, however, can improve; you listen to this as a praise or a complaint will be based on your self-talk. If a situation becomes challenging than you had anticipated, you might say that the world is unfair or curse your stars or you may consider it as an opportunity to grow. It all depends on what you talk to yourself.
So next time when you face a tough situation with someone, ask yourself if you are listening to the intent or just the content, are you jumping to conclusions before listening deeply? Are you letting your monkey mind control you? Are you monitoring your self-talk?
2. Remain Silent
Recently someone asked me what should I do when someone is constantly looking for an opportunity to argue? The simple solutions to it are to know that you don’t need to attend every argument you are invited to. When people around you insist you to argue., Don’t REACT.., just remain silent and know that you have the right to remain silent. Be aware that arguing is one of the means through which everyone fulfills their emotional needs at the cost of you. If you participate in the argument you are not just fueling reactions but are fulfilling the need of the person who initiated the argument. Stay away. While doing so the other person fulfills their emotional need and you fall prey to their tantrums.
They might raise their voice or make unintelligent comments, choosing to remain silent will often be one of the best choices you make.
As Lao Tzu once said “Silence is a source of Great Strength.”
3. Be Empathetic
Developing Emotional mastery is an important element for you to live an enriched life. One of the thing which is a must is to practice being empathetic in your everyday life. Treat others how you want to be treated – this is easily said than done. However, science says that it is possible for one to learn and develop being empathetic. Scientists have discovered that it is possible for you to feel the emotion and also experience what the other person is experiencing due to the Mirror Neurons. Mirror Neurons emulate and imitate other people’s action and are the reason for you to feel empathetic.
Most successful individuals live with the belief that being empathetic is a must for them to have a fulfilled life. They practice this by not being judgmental, by being transparent in their transactions while appreciating the uniqueness of others.
4. Don’t Bottle Negative Emotions
When you bottle negative emotions you are waiting for an opportunity to seek revenge and with such deeply bottled negative emotions, you will always react and never respond. Most often times many individuals bottle their negative emotions thinking that it will ease off with time, not realizing that it can cause many challenges to their physical as well as mental health.
Studies indicate that those who bottle their emotions develop weaker self-concept leading to lower self-esteem and eventually leading to disrupted social life. They tend to complicate simple situations and are highly vulnerable to ego battles. The baggage they carry makes them think and engage in the self-defeating behavior.
Next time when you find yourself holding on to negative emotions train yourself to handle these emotions. Choose to let go! Decide that everything you do is a choice and when you decide to do so, you take personal responsibility for your future. You do not fall prey to others emotions or circumstances. Choose not to stay alone instead speak out to someone whom you trust, find a mentor and discuss your emotions with them, practice stillness and alignment of thoughts, emotions, and actions!
“Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it.”